Lloyd Carr's Last Stand

***There is offensive language in this edition of SnotzzzBlog, if you are easily offended be a responsible human being and don't read it***

Thank You Coach
A day after Michigan lost to the faggoty sweatervest again all the rumors are all but confirmed: Lloyd Carr will announce his retirement at a press conference Monday morning at 10:00am. I'm sure there are plenty of people that are happy about this development, but those are the people that piss me off almost as much as Mike DeBord's play calling. People that criticize Lloyd Carr for his coaching style are complete fucking retards. Seriously, he has been in coaching for 26 years at Michigan, not to mention his experience prior to coming to Ann Arbor. When he accepted the head coaching job after Gary Moeller was pushed out, everyone was happy because he brought a defensive pedigree to the table, but then when the slightest bit of adversity hit the team people blamed Lloyd Carr, because they are complete fucking retards. There hasn't been a coach at Michigan that has won a National Championship since 1947, Carr won it all in 1997. And don't give me that 'shared' shit, there are like 7 trophies awarded to the national champion and 5 or 6 were awarded to Michigan, so if you are going to try to say that Nebraska 'shares' the 1997 National Championship, shut the fuck up, Nebraska got by on a blown call in the Missouri game that year and a whiny little bitch of a quarterback and a politician for a coach cried and lobbied for votes in the USA Today Coaches Poll. But Lloyd Carr was at least as successful as Bo Schembechler and won 1 more National Championship, yet he is constantly hammered for his lack of fire and imagination. The only fault I have with Lloyd is that he is almost too loyal, see Mike DeBord, and that he got rid of a couple of coaches on a knee-jerk reaction, see Stan Parrish and Terry Malone. I find it hard to argue the Jim Herrmann firing because his defenses in his last couple of years were borderline pathetic, but other than that Lloyd has stuck with his guys.
I read that Lloyd met with his players tonight and told them that he was going to announce his retirement. I can imagine how emotional that meeting was because of the love and respect that the players have for Lloyd. I have also heard people on the radio and around Michigan Stadium yesterday that Les Miles' wife was in Ann Arbor looking at houses this week and that Les Miles bought a house in the metro-Detroit area. Come on, seriously, if Les Miles chooses to pay the $1.25 million to leave LSU and come to Michigan nothing is going to be said about it until LSU ends its season. I think that Miles would be at the top of the list of potantial replacements for Lloyd Carr, but for people to just say this shit is just stupid, someone trying to stir the pot. I think that you have to include Ron English in the pool of possible replacements, but my concern there is that he is unproven and his defenses have had their weaker moments in big games. Players love him because of his fire and intensity, but we know next to nothing about his ability to shoulder the pressure of being the head coach at Michigan. We sure as hell don't want the next Charlie Weiss.

The 104th Edition of THE GAME
Everything started out just fine, until we hit traffic on I-94 and it took 40 minutes to get to our parking location. We decided to grab some food in or around the stadium instead of tailgating because of the threat of rain and ended up getting some free brats by Pioneer High School and then made our way into The Big House about an hour and a half before kickoff. I knew that there were going to be a lot of dipshits in red but this year there were more than ever. Some were actually nice people that were hoping for a good game, while there were also plenty of fuckheads that it was their duty to drop f-bombs on little kids and old people. The two guys sitting directly to my left were pretty cool, but the guy behind them was really close to getting his ass kicked by a fellow season ticket holder. The guy was chirping off at the season ticket holder and his kid and I heard the guy say that the kid is destined to be a fucking loser like his old man because he is a Michigan fan. I heard this and stood up when I saw the fellow season ticket holder pointing at this guy and telling him that if he wanted to talk shit to him, fine, but he had no business talking to his kid like that. Luckily for the Suckeye fan the season ticket holder left with his kid. Why lucky? Because as the game went on I was getting more and more pissed off at the way things were going and the stupid shit that the walking tampons were saying and doing. If OSU thinks that they are so great, why do they act like such uncivilized dickbags? The song they sang often was "We don't give a damn for the whole state of Michigan" which ends in the verse of "we're from Ohio." Who gives a fuck if you are from Ohio? I have been to Ohio plenty of times and I can't think of any reason they could feel pride for such a waste of space. Ok fine, Put-In-Bay was a good time, but what else is there? Cleveland is a poor homeless imitation of Detroit, Cincinnati might as well be in Kentucky, and Columbus literally smells like rotten ass. Are these really reasons to be proud of your state? Texans are loud and proud of Texas and that is understandable because Texas has beautiful women, fun cities, lots of tradition and great heritage. Ohio has nothing even close. The only good thing Ohio has going for it is the numbers of kids that are smart enough to leave and go to college outside of Ohio.
Ok, being a Michigan fan I obviously hate Ohio State and everything about the armpit of America, but yesterdays game had more to do with Michigan's own failures than anything that the Suckeyes did. Hell if their db's caught the balls that hit their hands they would have made more catches than the usually reliable Mario Manningham and Adrian Arrington. And if Carson Butler could get caught for holding again it would just be fucking phenomenal. The best Michigan player on Saturday was Zoltan Mesko, who averaged over 45 yard on each of his twelve punts, with a long of 68 yards. I don't care if you have the wind at your back or are in a fuckin wind tunnel, a 68 yard punt is one hell of an accomplishment.

What's Next?
Well Michigan will be in a Bowl game, but which one? Obviously they aren't going to a BCS Bowl, but how is it that Illinois is being included in BCS talk? They had one good win, in the Toilet Bowl in Columbus., but other than that they didn't do anything special. Wisconsin's signature win was against Michigan. They didn't do anything special either. So from what I have been able to put together, the Rose Bowl will have the toothless morons from Ohio, the Citrus Bowl will take either Illinois, Wisconsin, or Penn State, the Outback Bowl will take either Illinois, Wisconsin, or Penn State, and the Alamo Bowl will be left to choose Michigan. Finishing second in the Big Ten usually means going to the Citrus Bowl or if you had a good enough record to a BCS game. But after beating Illinois and Penn State, Michigan seems to be getting punished still for losing to Appalachian State and Oregon. Of course I think that Michigan should get a New Year's Day Bowl game but I am hearing that we might have to settle for another trip to San Antonio, Texas to play a barely-.500 Big 12 team. If we get relegated to the Alamo Bowl I really hope we get after those poor bastards and hang 50 points on them. Hell, we should be able to put that much up with all the healing time Henne and Hart will have.

Best Part of The 104th meeting between Michigan and the Inbred
There was some idiot running around with one of those Wendy's wigs and a friend in tow with a video camera. He was walking down our row toward the aisle and he was trying to get the Butthole fans to chant "Hot Juicy Burgers" and "Siz-zle, Siz-zle, Siz-zle". People were laughing, then I turned around and shouted as loud as I could "Hey look, it's the hottest girl in Ohio." What made this the best part of the day was the fact that they all heard me (for those of you that don't know me, I am VERY, VERY loud) and they didn't say anything. They didn't dispute the fact that the guy with three days growth on his face was just outed as the best looking chick in Ohio.
One last observation, when the inbreds do their version of YMCA, they make an O with their arms over their heads, an H by sticking their arms up, which begs the question how do they actually make the H? It actually looks like a Y or in some cases a T. Definitely not an H. But then again, I guess I am talking about the morons that think a diploma from OSU is worth anything more than the receipt it is.

Stay tuned for the SnotzzBlog Season Review, Bowl Season Spectacular, and the launch of The Fantasy Sports Show. There will also be installments of SnotzzzBlog covering the Lions, the NFL, NHL, and whatever else I feel like venting about.

Thank you Lloyd Carr, for everything you have done at Michgian. Maybe now people will realize how good you actually were.

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